The Penis Envy

 Do not get either tempted - that this is a small tit bit of a soft porn story. Nor put off -that this is some disgusting piece on sub abdominal anatomical explanation.

Why I should not use this expression? Was there  not a stage rage ,few yearsback, playing full houses in SOBO titled : Vagina Monologues"?. I may be excused ,therefore ,for borrowing from Freudian science.

For primers, the caption is a typical term used by the father of modern psychology- Herr.Sigmund Freud

( If you do not trust me, please wikepedia same)

Simply put ,Herr. Freud uses this metaphor for explaining a very mundane facet of human behaviour.

Jealousy. Always tempted to compare our endowments with every one around -siblings, neigbours, colleagues, why even with your own spouse. Choice is ,of course ,wide- you admire, you accept, you resign , and more often, envy.

"Green is the colour of this neural phenomenon, isn't it?"( Do you recall how ONIDA used it extensively in their heydays? Owner's Pride : Neighbour's Envy- If an electronic gadget can generate jealousy, why not a physical integral life giving biological gadget ?) 

Well, this ,as I foresaid, is not about , Grey's Anatomy"

About this metaphor playing havoc in the linguistic chasm in the country. 

Particularly ,post announcement of the New Education Policy. As expected, we ,in Tamilnadu,  are seeing all the optics. Always used as an emotion whipping  lash, the Dravidian parties-  in power, out of power, never in power-all are braying for a two language paradigm in TN. Nothing short of  the  version of the 1967 rioting- only its exhibhit is modern, Not supported by placards, self immolations, tar painting of all Central Government Name Boards, laying bare heads in rail tracks-clearly in between train arrivals. 

This time ,it is very ingenious: Fringe Kollywood artists, sporting a tee shirt displaying graffiti " Hindhi Theriyaathu Poda" ;translated " Don't Know Hindhi - Get Lost". Brain Child of a sitting M.P, who spent  more than a decade in Delhi and managed to get things done even in Tihar -and her cultural advisor who is a parishioner who propagates through folk art festivals, when the lady's father was in power.

She triggered a social media furore , when she was allegedly confronted in an  Airport by a CISF junior security staff by a question in Hindhi. She apparently is yet to lodge an official complaint.

Another GST Officer, went on news when he accused that the Department forced him to work in the Official Language Implementation Section. Despite having lived in Mumbai for several years, he found it punishing.

Another Sr.Citizen  Tamilian,complained that an Officer in a Nationalised Bank's  TN rural branch, denied him a loan because the applicant did not know Hindhi- the Officer is from Maharashtra and he was promptly transfered to aback office position.

Latest is an M.P from the city, who tweeted that the Railways are imposing Hindhi directly by forcing train ticket seekers to transact only  in Hindhi. Any one who has been travelling in Indian Railway coaches ever since the reservations were computerised in a global first of its kind massive automation, would know how bogus this accusation is.

This apparently "beautiful lady "-(according to their Youth Wing President)- does not even check that the secure platform which makes on line reservations a child"s play is bilingual.

That is where this concept of "Penis Envy" plays in.

I have earlier written on this -Battle of the Languages- ,in the Open Page Section of The Hindu of my own experiences in  my Hindhi Tamil Bhai Bhai. ( The article is reproduced here in this Blog)

Most of North India, is adamant on not learning any other Indian language except when as either traders or migrant workman they are forced to. The typical North Indian white collared Burrah Sahibh has a Penis Envy on his South Indian Colleagues in their proficiency in English. I have personally experienced this without fail in my career in a Central PSU. Even when yo try so converse in whatever spoken Hinhdi you know, your North Indian colleagues will stretch themselves to splutter out in strained Hinglish. They want to subconsciously prove that they are Ok in English- "You Madharasi , I can speak your Father Tongue". Condescending as well as living up at the same time.

The 'penis envy" camouflaged as "Me Too Can "

I am giving four concrete illustrations of how this underlying subconscious "penis envy'  keeps surfacing in Northies -anecdotes from my own personal experiences:

1. Our Batch reunion. Two batchies from Andhra ,spontaneously started conversing in Telugu. Another, hailing from the P.M's constituency, shouted in Hindhi" Hey , Aadhmi ka Baashan mein baath karo"-implying that Telugu was perhaps not a language of humans.

2.I was with my immediate Senior ,a Gujatathi , discussing an official matter with our common superior, hailing from Delhi. Often,the lingua was Hindhi. This  Gujarathi gentleman,spat" Hey ,Speak in English ,yaar".( I, of course ,shot back-"Mr.X, my Hindhi is better than your English".- this same gentlemen, who was asked to hoist the flag on Republic Day in our staff quarters, few days later, chose to speak in English !)

3.Another Haryanvi Senior was almost a fanatic. He issued me a memo to attend Hindhi Classes, when I was at a position just one level below the Board of Directors- I refused citing that my portfolio was international and warranted perhaps learinng German! ( I fondly recalled ,how this native, flummoxed the entire cabin crew of Jet Airways flight from London to Mumbai, by carrying a huge 2 litre water bottle to the toilet- he was not comfortable with toilet paper!)

4. This was even more revealing of the farce of Official language implementation. In Centre owned PSUs, this is a ritual when Parliamentary Committee on Official Language visits once in awhile- to be treated as Royalty. In one such  meeting, I was sitting next to the Dept . in -charge for Hindhi Implementaion. Every one around was asked to announce their names along with the Hindhi equivalent of the Department they were handling, this guy whispered to me that I should also follow suit. I whispered back that mine was called "Techno Marketing" and I had no clue as to how it translated in Hindhi. Believe me, when my turn came, the Under Secretary from Delhi,( who was incidentally a South Indian) turned around and asked if any one knew the equivalent. Dead silence. .No one , including the Hindhi Department Bhailog  could respond!

No wonder the former Home Minister himself laments. But did he not realise the sham , when he was making speeches from  transcribed sheets on Hindhi Diwas?

I have had  my Germans business associates ask me in private as to why the Norhties try to speak in  English when I can speak reasonable Hindhi.

Same way , the Dravidian power usurpers have thrived on the false pride of not being on par with the rest of India, and spuriously bolstering the Tamil dominance in the state. Many of them can neither speak English nor Hindhi ( Do not dare their Tamil orations). They , therefore suffer from "penis envy" of  Northies- leading to 'affirmative action" "I am not inferiorly endowed- only pigment may be different"

Solution: Let the Three language format proposed in the NEP ensure that Northies try to learn a Malayalam or Telugu.

We in Tamilnadu, will,  endure to live with our 'Differently Abled " status till the change happens in Fort.St.George next year.

Size does 'n't Matter, till then!